not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize