I bet he comes in French.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My balls are so social today.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
