Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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