I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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