he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
