i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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