after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
