Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
