the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
