When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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