Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
