I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
