You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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