She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
