i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
