I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
