Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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