I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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