you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
