I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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