i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
