Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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