Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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