WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
