we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
