Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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