WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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