My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
