dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
