Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
