So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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