Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
