He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
