Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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