at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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