It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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