is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
