can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
