Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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