Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
