Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
