I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
