just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
