my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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