Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
