Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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