I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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