He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
