I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
