ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
