Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
