I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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