u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
