By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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