then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
