I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
