We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
