Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
