You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
