I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
