maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize