I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
