When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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