At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
