Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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