Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
