how can u be prego again
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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