Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
