one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
