Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
