im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
