You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think I sprained my soul last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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