yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
