then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
