He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
