Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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