why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
