I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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