girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
