we have pet lesbian snakes
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
