Sponge bath it is.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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