I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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