I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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