I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
