She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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