Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
