The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
