Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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