In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
