When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
