Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
