We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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