i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
