So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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