The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
